Leather-bound Love Stories, by a Hopeless Romantic

I choke back the words:

“I never should have loved you

if I’m so easy to let down

or throw away.

Explain to me why nights must fall,

why days break with the dawn,

and why my heart broke with

the crack in your voice.

Though we could mend them all,

the bruised nights and shattered days

are easily forgiven and forgotten.

If you’d take back what you feel.

If only you’d take back what you feel;

keep it to yourself.

And I’ll keep my setting suns

gold instead of red.

My nights would still be stable

and my days would skip the dawn.”

[Work in progress]

He startled from his boring life

of carbon copy coffee cups.

Awakened from his noxious rut

dug by what was not enough,

he stumbled in in arrogance

with newly found philosophies.

“Self-reflect,” he tried to convince.

I replied to all his Socrates:

“The unexamined life is not worth living?

It hurts too much the other way around!

It doesn’t matter; pick your poison:

Arsenic or Cyanide! We all fall down!

The unexamined life is not worth living!

Leave to me the little hopes I have and

fictions that what we do will have meaning

though we have all been poisoned from the start…”

For fear, I caused,

to fight, ‘cause

courage didn’t root much for me.

Instead of living,

I, afraid, sought

to frighten everything away.

Until there came a day

I realized for my own sake

that loneliness couldn’t be scared astray

and so, I thought,

to surround myself

will be the best remedy.

But for fear, I cause,

to fight, ‘cause

courage and love bested of me.

Someone slit my wrists for me.

I’m not strong enough to cut myself,

But I want pain.

At least then, I can lie to myself

and say,

“I’m not self-destructive.”

She said, “seeing is believing.” Well, it’s a good thing she always lies. I don’t want to believe my eyes when confronted with the truth. She said, “Hun, we’ll be alright. Let’s just get past this. I love you and you love me too, that’s all that matters. We can push through anything.” Can we push through anything?

See, lately nothing to me’s true. Not my alarm clock’s buzzing me awake when I don’t wake to you, but I can promise that I’ll never let myself wake up to you. Of that I’m certain. I know it’s true.

Oh, and I’m sure “he means nothing to you, too.” Know how I know? Because I’ve been there, behind the wheel of my car hoping I could gain the strength it takes to just let go. Let the wheel spin where it may and let my car go where it will, because I’m pulling away from West, toward darkening skies as the sun sets behind me. I’m leaving you.

Rose Thorn, meet open

Heart: broken Skin on scarred Wrists

bleeding red Petals.

Rose Thorn, love suture

Art: forlorn Scribbles sown by

all your Betrayals.

(Rose Thorn,)

A Heart can’t beat without —

(Rose Thorn,)

My Heart won’t beat without

Reason.

Give me Reason;

I choose Life.

Rose Thorn, steal every

Breath: tickling Reminders of

Things for regretting.

Rose Thorn, promise for

Death: careful Insurance we

can’t start forgetting. 

(Rose Thorn,)

A Heart can’t beat without —

(Rose Thorn,)

My Heart won’t beat without

You.

Give me You;

I choose Life.

The sun shines on me

as I bathe in grass.

A thought dons; I see

as ants march past,

the world could always seem bigger;

the universe, more infinite still.

I play god and

decide who lives and dies.

The lives they’ve planned

In flames they fried.

And the ants philosophized

and the ants fought over why.

The world around them

stained in brown,

for false ideals

they all fell down.

And the ants philosophized.

And the ants threw around the blame.

Freedom:

“To speak my mind,

in shy display

I write.”

It’s right

for me to say

“I wouldn’t have it any

other way.”

Freedom:

“To share old thoughts

with new eyes,”

I cry.

Lay wry

with the jubilee;

“I’m happy just to be

with me.”

Freedom:

To benefit from experience,

and my creativity;

never censor

for senser

of placating imagination.

“I’m pixilated, and you read to deep

into me.”

I leap’d from a cliff

and glided for a while

on happy airs

before I realized

I’m heavier than a hot breeze,

and it was too late.

I was sinking in sky

and falling with style.

The whole world comes in shades of black,

Which we approach with white lenses.

It’s simply what we’d rather,

But never quite the truth.

Until we take the world for what it is,

We’ll be sadly disappointed with life.

So don’t complain to me because you don’t understand the world.

The whole world comes in shades of black.

I never invited loneliness

To take root in my heart,

And grow into a cherry willow

Waiting for blossoms to start

Budding. But it did.

I remember the beach,

Holding you in the sand

Dancing a teen year away

In salty water and

Wish that happy memories

Weren’t the ones that hurt the most,

But they are.

I guess I’m still moving on.

I never wanted happiness

To come at such a price;

And being loved is all we want

So lying should suffice

To fill the void. But it didn’t

I remember taking walks,

Laughing hand in hand,

Carrying your chair for you,

I can’t understand

Why happy memories always are

The ones that hurt the most,

But they are.

I guess I’m still not over you.

There are some things that can’t be fixed

some wounds that even time can’t heal;

A heart, and all emotions mixed,

can’t be replaced when it can’t feel.

There are some times when it is best

to just forget, but not forgive,

those, who against you did transgress,

those moments best not to re-live.

There are some words of rapt’rous sound

in phrases that leave people torn.

Their combination does confound

when experience did not warn

against this tragic end;

forget, not forgive, then.

moriahjean:

When I was just a child,
death whispered sweet nothings into voracious ears,
filling my insatiably permeable mind,
        “You have been dying from the beginning.”

In adolescence I promised, 
I would never see decay threaten my tenuous bones,
and vowed my fragility to naivety,
        “Oh, inescapable humanity, I cannot love you…

Hold fast, my mind, to resolution,
and compel my feeble heart to ever beat.”

I met a kid like you in me,

But he didn’t have a face:

Just a flesh-colored disguise

To hide the empty space

And breaths he stole from others.

Ironically his apathy

Made him feel pathetic,

And his chest, heartless,

Legs, peripatetic.

Forced to crawl where he once flew.

  I’m afraid of holding on

To who you wish that I could be

‘Cause what you want

Is not the me I see.

Faking smiles and breaking hearts

Were never easy things to do,

Somehow I’ve changed

And it’s all thanks to you.

I guess for all eternity

Looking for love’s where I’ll be:

Lost in firefights and fighting fires.

Sometimes, it’s hard for you to see,

Through debris and clouds of smoke,

That we are unsound structurally.

and that’s why your heart broke.

It’s dangerous, I know

With both sides flinging words of fire,

People caught between

Will feel the ire.

I guess for all eternity

Looking for love’s where I’ll be:

Lost in firefights and fighting fires.

Once upon awaken’d dream

Where love drown’d in flowing gold,

My heart beat a requiem

And you thought we’d break the mold.

The young of heart knows no thing,

Victims to mentality,

Excelling in pretending,

Resembling something happy.

But

Pain’d is my reality

Of side-stepping empty words,

For my crook’d morality

Made all actions feel censured.

In place of further broken heart

I leave recovery head start.

Forget me, naught!

My efforts lead me down a road

You’ve never travelled

And wouldn’t dare

I take long strides

Because I know I have a long

Way to go from here

And little time.

I am sorry,

You cannot keep up with my pace,

Nor do I want it

That you do,

But, in my heart,

Which is not meant for you to have,

I carry that will

To be great.

Forget me, naught.

Christian DiMare

Smile. Sometimes, faking it is all you have

When no one loves you back, or even cares.

You said, “find someone that will put you first.”

I believed you were telling me something,

But I was just delusional, I guess.

You can’t blame me for chasing after you;

You can’t say that things aren’t better that way.

What is it about this goofy boy that

Makes his ev’ry touch electrifying?

Could it be that he surpasses your dreams?

Whatever lessons that led you to him

Made you guarded from everybody else.

Just like whatever lessons you taught him

Are lessons well learned and taken to heart.

Can you tell me why your heart beats? You said, “blood.” I disagree; I said, “that’s the purpose of the heart.” Can you honestly say you know what is preventing my heart from stopping this very second? I like to say that it’s always been your soul following me around with its hands in my chest. I suppose this makes me a romantic, but I believe that everyone’s soul is holding the heart of the one they love. People always say, “follow your heart, and it will put you in the right place.” I think that’s just a whisper guiding you in the direction of your soul mate. Can you tell me why your heart beats? You said, “I’ve found him.”